Anti-SEO How NOT to Promote Your Web Site
By Peter Blue
There are many articles out there describing how best to promote your site using SEO (Search Engine Optimisation), linking strategies and possibly a few 'black-hat' methods. So, I thought it might be amusing to show you how to un-promote your web site and get as close to zero traffic as possible. It's also amusing to note that a few clueless companies have adopted these methods to great effect.
PART 1 - Non-technical methods.
1. Remove all references of your domain from business cards, invoices, email signatures and any documents you produce. It's not often that people will bother to manually type your domain into their browser but lets not tempt fate!
2. On no account allow anybody to link to any page on your site except perhaps the front page. A well trusted method is to put a legal notice on your site demanding that any potential content-stealing linkers get permission or face legal action. Axis-of-evil sites like Google, Yahoo, Bing, DMoz, LinkForge and online directories should all be contacted by your lawyers demanding they remove ALL links to your site.
3. Put ALL of your content behind a pay-wall. You have laboured long and hard on your content so its only fair that everyone should pay to see it. On no account put a publicly readable intro anywhere on your site. When someone does actually pay to read it, insist they sign an NDA (Non-disclosure Agreement).
PART 2 - Technical methods
1. Get your engineers to install a "robots.txt" file written in such a way to exclude ALL search engines, especially the truly evil content-stealing Google. Also include the "nofollow, noindex" meta-tag to all your pages just to make sure!
2. You should also get your engineers to block all IPv4 addresses from 0.0.0.0 to 255.255.255.255 as they are all used by sneaky search engines trying to steal your precious content. If your engineers try to convince you that you are blocking the entire Internet just ignore them, they are just "techies" and they don't really understand how business works.
3. It's important to get the text looking just right and the easiest way to render every item as an image, the bigger the better. Use as little text as possible in your pages - in any case, most of it should be behind a pay-wall!
4. The "Description" meta-tag is only used by nerds so leave it blank along with the title tag. The "Keyword" meta-tag should be stuffed with words relating to pornography, on no account put any words relevant to your business there in case Google or any other evil search engine finds and steals it.
5. Everyone now has 10 giga-bit Internet access these days so silly, geeky things "load-speed" and "file size" are now, thankfully, irrelevant. This presents some amazing new opportunities; like insisting all visitors are forced to watch a 30 minute HD video on how wonderful your company is. If anybody tries to get past it, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) is your friend.
6. Everyone these days has a 48" plasma monitor attached to their PCs so, use all that screen real-estate, only cash-less kids use iPads and iPhones which means they can be ignored.
PART 3 - Advanced methods
By now you should be getting single-digit page hits per month but there is still more you can do. If you want to play with the big boys here are some advanced methods:-
1. Contact your MP or congress critter and try to get laws passed banning ALL forms of linking to any web site, its all content stealing anyway.
2. Get laws passed that assume that ALL Internet users are potential content thieves and should therefore pay a surcharge on their Internet access to make up for the huge financial losses that companies like yours are suffering.
3. Get laws passed to force all ISPs (Internet Stealing Providers) to only allow their users to visit approved sites like yours. This is called a "Walled Garden" and worked amazing well for Compuserve and AOL. Lets face it, most of the other sites don't contain anything useful and are there just for hackers, pirates and content thieves.
To most web savy people, this article sounds ridiculous but there are companies out there now employing some of the methods in this article. Some of them won't be around for much longer!
Peter Blue is involved in the development and funding many startups based in the UK
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Peter_Blue
http://EzineArticles.com/?Anti-SEO-How-NOT-to-Promote-Your-Web-Site&id=6462954
By Peter Blue
There are many articles out there describing how best to promote your site using SEO (Search Engine Optimisation), linking strategies and possibly a few 'black-hat' methods. So, I thought it might be amusing to show you how to un-promote your web site and get as close to zero traffic as possible. It's also amusing to note that a few clueless companies have adopted these methods to great effect.
PART 1 - Non-technical methods.
1. Remove all references of your domain from business cards, invoices, email signatures and any documents you produce. It's not often that people will bother to manually type your domain into their browser but lets not tempt fate!
2. On no account allow anybody to link to any page on your site except perhaps the front page. A well trusted method is to put a legal notice on your site demanding that any potential content-stealing linkers get permission or face legal action. Axis-of-evil sites like Google, Yahoo, Bing, DMoz, LinkForge and online directories should all be contacted by your lawyers demanding they remove ALL links to your site.
3. Put ALL of your content behind a pay-wall. You have laboured long and hard on your content so its only fair that everyone should pay to see it. On no account put a publicly readable intro anywhere on your site. When someone does actually pay to read it, insist they sign an NDA (Non-disclosure Agreement).
PART 2 - Technical methods
1. Get your engineers to install a "robots.txt" file written in such a way to exclude ALL search engines, especially the truly evil content-stealing Google. Also include the "nofollow, noindex" meta-tag to all your pages just to make sure!
2. You should also get your engineers to block all IPv4 addresses from 0.0.0.0 to 255.255.255.255 as they are all used by sneaky search engines trying to steal your precious content. If your engineers try to convince you that you are blocking the entire Internet just ignore them, they are just "techies" and they don't really understand how business works.
3. It's important to get the text looking just right and the easiest way to render every item as an image, the bigger the better. Use as little text as possible in your pages - in any case, most of it should be behind a pay-wall!
4. The "Description" meta-tag is only used by nerds so leave it blank along with the title tag. The "Keyword" meta-tag should be stuffed with words relating to pornography, on no account put any words relevant to your business there in case Google or any other evil search engine finds and steals it.
5. Everyone now has 10 giga-bit Internet access these days so silly, geeky things "load-speed" and "file size" are now, thankfully, irrelevant. This presents some amazing new opportunities; like insisting all visitors are forced to watch a 30 minute HD video on how wonderful your company is. If anybody tries to get past it, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) is your friend.
6. Everyone these days has a 48" plasma monitor attached to their PCs so, use all that screen real-estate, only cash-less kids use iPads and iPhones which means they can be ignored.
PART 3 - Advanced methods
By now you should be getting single-digit page hits per month but there is still more you can do. If you want to play with the big boys here are some advanced methods:-
1. Contact your MP or congress critter and try to get laws passed banning ALL forms of linking to any web site, its all content stealing anyway.
2. Get laws passed that assume that ALL Internet users are potential content thieves and should therefore pay a surcharge on their Internet access to make up for the huge financial losses that companies like yours are suffering.
3. Get laws passed to force all ISPs (Internet Stealing Providers) to only allow their users to visit approved sites like yours. This is called a "Walled Garden" and worked amazing well for Compuserve and AOL. Lets face it, most of the other sites don't contain anything useful and are there just for hackers, pirates and content thieves.
To most web savy people, this article sounds ridiculous but there are companies out there now employing some of the methods in this article. Some of them won't be around for much longer!
Peter Blue is involved in the development and funding many startups based in the UK
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Peter_Blue
http://EzineArticles.com/?Anti-SEO-How-NOT-to-Promote-Your-Web-Site&id=6462954
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